


Be With Me

by Gilthlonel



Series: With Me [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIII-2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 22:35:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilthlonel/pseuds/Gilthlonel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of snippets and scenes: Noel and Hope share common goals and a common interest in each other, but there are things that prevent Hope from allowing for that next step...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snippet 1

Hope is someone that Noel can admire from a distance. It's a two fold type of attraction. The great Academia Director is a mix of admirable traits. He is intelligent, having devoted much of his life to the academy with the hope of getting Vanille and Fang back. But also, the Director is handsome and a talented fighter. Well, he was. That was the thing that had confused Noel back in 10AF. When the other had shown up with a boomerang of all things to help fight. But Serah seeing his look of utter disdain at such a weapon had pulled him aside to explain that Hope was a magic user. A mage.

Or well, he was. Like Noel, Hope had become a fighter at a young age. His mother had died in the purge and he had become a l'cie. Since the powers bestowed on l'cie were supposed to make them live up to their potential, Hope had possessed the greatest magical abilities of them all. His boomerang was the barest minimum of his fighting capabilities.

And no, Noel was not intrigued by that at all.

Hope was pale, like snow and a comforting presence. Like a candle or a low fire. There to be around but not to touch. Those brave enough to touch him, always did without permission. Alyssa, for instance, who touched Hope at will. Usually against the older scientist's wishes considering his reactions.

The older man's hair, naturally silver was one way that immediate attention was attracted. But so were his eyes. Narrow and filled with irises the color of the ocean that Noel had seen when he'd fallen into New Bodhum all that time ago. He was a little shorter then Noel but he guessed that didn't matter because in many ways the other was smaller then him. A smaller build in general.

***************

For Hope, Noel is an enigma that he wants to examine. After his time as a l'cie, he'd become more inquisitive, more out going, although that was relative. And more importantly, more receptive to people. Noel was someone from the future. A desolate future that Hope wanted to avoid but a future nonetheless. The younger man (and how would one calculate their ages?) was taller, broader and tan in the ways of people who lived in places without shade. 

Studying and thinking about Noel was far more then a pastime.

Noel, Hope had noted, was not shy around others but often more silent. It had taken him time to figure that out, thinking that he wasn't comfortable with people. His own admission that he was the last human ever in his time caused that to make sense. But no, it was about speech patterns. While they all spoke the same language, due to the fal'cie. Noel wasn't use to people just talking. For him talking was a necessity and thus speech patterns were not as liberal or fanciful.

A skilled fighter, he was trained well with in the ways of hunting and fighting. Trained to guard the seeress of Paddra. Which made Hope want to talk to him. From everything that he knew about the Farseers... Was that somewhere along the line the Yuel's must have gone into hiding. Which would have made sense considering the Fal'cie's schemes. But the re-founding of the culture.

Hope often stopped his thoughts around there. He might have been a scientist, but he remembered what it was like to be an outcast. Something to be used and discarded. He never wanted Noel to feel used by him. Maybe he had academic interests in the future. But new friend or old, he wouldn't hurt his friends ever.


	2. Snippet 2

Hope is someone that has a lot of secrets. Well, maybe that's too strong of a word. The Director is mysterious to Noel, but the hunter also realizes that he is a mystery to others as well. The man hates physical contact and while he seems to glow brightly among the people around him. A time traveler in his own right but often times sad and seemingly stoic to the point of being just as expressive as the machines he's help to build.

And that just leads Noel to thinking of another time stream and a group of A.I. controlled drone weapons killing both Hope and Alyssa and he immediately backpedals.

Right now, he's sitting in Hope's giant office, the other man studying something on a tablet. Noel is smarter then most and knows quiet a bit for what him is old technology but in 700AF it's more of an academic thing then practically. Things that Yuel dug up and tried to make work that Caius often knew how to use.

"Serah told me that back then, in 3AF when we met that you were well. That the others had left by then. Snow to look for Lighting and Sazh in a paradox." He stated wondering that was Hope's underlying problem. At times, Noel can been too nosy for his own good.

"Well yes, by then there was only Serah and I. But as you can probably tell we aren't very close." Hope stated setting down the tablet. "I was in the Academy then, studying to become a scientist. I would have been about 17 then."

"Is that why you are so... sad?" Noel broached quietly.

"Is that what you think of me?" Hope countered. "It was lonely yes, but I still had friends and my father."

"But..." Noel didn't know how to address the fact that these supposed 'friends' were people that Hope apparently left behind very easily and didn't think of at all anymore. It was 400AF, those people had been gone a long time.

"Is there something that you want to know Noel? I've asked you probably thousands of questions about the future and the Farseers. You can ask me anything."

"Why did you come here?" Noel finally asked unable to hold it back.

"To help." Hope looked troubled for a moment and then leaned back into his chair and stared at the ceiling. "Back when I was 19, I took over the Academy and made it my goal to build a better life for us on Gran Pulse. When I met you in 13AF and you explained to me about what could happen. I knew I had to do something and I knew that I couldn't do in back then. It's as simple as that."

"Really?" Noel looked at him. "I just can't imagine. I left the future because there was nothing, just me and sand in a dying world. But in your time."

"...There is such a thing as being lonely in a crowd of people." Hope admitted quietly as he sat up in his chair. He rolled up the sleeve of his jacket and the shirt underneath. The orange bandana that he wore was slowly removed. Noel gasped, he knew a bit about L'cie and Fal'ce but not this.

On Hope's wrist was his old L'cie marking, but not in the way that Serah had explained it to them while they had been camping out in the Sunleth Waterscape with Snow. Instead of a black looking tattoo it had been iced over with white. Hope was staring down at it with a somber expression.

"This...is the mark of a L'cie who's focus is stalled... although in my case I guess it's a little different. This appeared on my wrist in 3AF after a strange incident. Granting me the powers to protect myself but also increasing the isolation that I felt. The only remaining visible Pulse l'cie, one of the people that caused the fall of Cocoon. Let's just say I was not appreciated at the time. When my father died in 13AF... well, there was no point in staying. It was only afterwards that I realized the cost of doing this."

"The cost?" Noel asked quietly, though he wondered about the 'incident' that Hope had alluded to, the harden look in his eyes let the hunter know that such a question would probably end the conversation.

"There's no way to go backwards." The silver haired man swallowed hard. "If my calculations are correct, when the time comes... Everyone will go back in time, well in your case forward, everyone but me. I'll stay in 500AF."

"What?! That doesn't make sense!"

"You, Serah and Snow jump all over the timeline. Lighting exists outside of time and Sazh and Dajh are in a paradox. But I used a time capsule. I exist in well all of the time that's relevant. I can only go forward."

"THEN COME TO 700AF!" Noel burst out in a way that startled both men. "I...I mean, If you're theory is right then I will be there."

Hope sighed and looked down at his hands. "That seems like a good idea."

"I just... I don't want you to be alone. You're doing so much."

Hope shook his head. "I'm not doing enough. Back then I was so useless. Not strong enough, not smart enough... so naive. I always needed them. But they never needed me."

"I need you! Serah needs you now!" Noel protested. "And that big idiot. Without you none of this would exist. And they do need you. One of the things that Lighting asked me to do was to protect Hope. I hadn't understood what she meant until I met you."

Hope gave a watery chuckle at that. "She always did say that I was 'hope' instead of just named that."


	3. Snippet 3

Noel can't deny that he is curious. Curious about the past in general, how great it is, especially 400AF the pinnacle of human achievement. And yet, he knows that he feels more at home in other eras. So when Serah and he make the decision to go back to Yaschas Massif, he is very willing to go.

Until they get there. The Hope that still lives in that time period isn't as open and friendly to him as the Hope in the future. He still is wary of him and Serah and sad. Noel thinks that's what strikes him the most. Hope is so much sadder here then in the future. It's too close he realizes. So much closer to whatever happened in 3AF. He wanted to think that he was when he took Serah away, but he had a feeling that it was more then that.

"It feels were doesn't it?" Serah asked quietly as they stood just outside the site. "To come back here after all that we know now."

"A little." He shrugged his shoulders. "But think about it. One day, we'll have saved the world and you'll be going through this time, without any of this hanging over your head."

"And you'll be happy in the future with Yeul." She teased with a smile.

"Yeah..." He murmured somberly, thinking about Hope's words from their last meeting.

**************

"What happened in 3AF?" Noel had been back for all of 10 minutes before he asked the question. His face was pinched and tense. Hope had been alone in his office. Alyssa was working on her own personal projects and Noel was supposed to be resting in the guest rooms like Serah most likely was.

"Don't ask me this." Hope replied quietly as he looked down at the hidden mark.

"I... Hope please. I tried to ignore this but when we went back to 10AF..."

"Why did you go there?" Hope asked curiously. Noel shrugged, most of the places they went were for retreads, make sure they left no stone unturned to fix the timeline. He shifted his body to grab Hope, pulling him up from his chair. "What happened to you?"

"It's no great secret." Hope replied quietly. "I was kidnapped by terrorists... later they got my father as well. We were rescued after about two months."

"THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!" Noel was gripping his upper arms tightly now, tight enough to hurt. Hope brought his own hands up and laid them on Noel's shoulders.

"Why does this bother you so?" He asked quietly. "It should make sense what happened to me. I was the last l'cie left. Someone to blame. The fall of Cocoon was still so close and not many knew exactly why it had happened."

Noel was quiet for a few moments, his head bowed. He had so many things that he wanted to say to Hope. To explain to him why he cared. Words weren't Noel's strong point and even if they were, he wasn't sure he'd know what to say. He settled for releasing the older man's arms and pulling him close into an embrace. Actions speak louder then words.

For Hope, being touched was something he'd... left behind. When he was around others he was always 'fully dressed.' Jacket and gloves as well as the standard uniform of the Academy. After the others had gone, and then the kidnaping the only one that touched him or saw any of his skin was his father. Even Alyssa although she frequently reached out to him had never touched his bare skin. Even his face. And now Noel. Noel had pulled him so close that he could feel his quick heartbeat. Hope was just short enough to have the upper side of his face pressed against the man's cheek.

For Hope, it was as if someone had awakened a forgotten memory in him. Unlike the repulsion that he'd expected to feel. He felt comforted. Noel's breathes were soft and measured against his hair. He smelled like the wilds, reminding the older man of the first time he'd set foot on Pulse for the first time. His hands numbly at his sides. Hope allowed the embraced. Closed his eyes as he remembered what it was like to be held.

So few had done that for him. Truly hold him like this. As if he was important, needed comfort. His parents, Light and Vanille. Fang or Sazh might have as well. This kind of touch hadn't been Snow's kind of thing. And even when he'd started to get along with the 'hero' it wasn't the type of touch he'd ever want to receive from him. He thought it was the type of touch that he hadn't wanted to receive from Noel either.

"I see me in you." Noel finally whispered in his ear. "Being alone. Wanting to save everyone. Sometimes I imagine we are the same person split apart because the things we want can't possible be achieved by one person."

It was terribly romantic words. From anyone else Hope probably would have made a face. But he knew what Noel meant. They were trying to save the past, present and future of the world. A tall order indeed. Of his own volition he brought his arms up and wrapped them around Noel. A great feat for Hope, to reach out and for the first time in well centuries for true accuracy had held someone back.

"Isn't that what a team does?" He asked trying to catalogue this intimate touch into his experiences but finding that the ones he had were sorely lacking what this moment was.

Noel exhaled in frustration and Hope bit his lips in resignation. He had not, nor would he ever be good a reading a person or situation involving emotions. He wasn't cut out for it. He thought of his mother and the intimacy of touch. He'd been a tactile child, wanting to touch and be touched but very selective about it. When he'd been in the angst like throughs of his teenage years he'd scorned his father's touched until becoming a l'cie had changed his mind about familial affection.

And in his musing he must have missed something because lips were on his and he hadn't felt Noel move at all. Another curiosity. He didn't feel the need to repel even this intimate touch. Something he'd never experienced before in this way. He tightened his grip on Noel, reflexively and when the other pulled away he found that that wasn't what he wanted.

"I... In my village being the same person doesn't mean what it means now." Noel said quietly. "I can't... I can't say it any other way."

Hope found himself quite astonished. He'd been on the receiving end of love confessions before. Mostly jokes against the tainted l'cie and others stupid things before he'd immersed himself in the Academy. Plus a few other pointless situations thereafter. Things that had died down with the more power he had gained. And something he'd thought he'd left far behind when he came to live in 400AF.

"Are you in love with me?" He asked with a gasp and Noel winced and pulled out of him embrace, embarrassed and feeling rejected. "Wait... I don't... I mean."

He pressed his hand against Noel's shoulder blade, stopping him from leaving. either man moved for a moment. Hope studied Noel's back, wondering what to say. What he could say. He slipped his hand fully onto the other's shoulder and turned him around.

"I'm not rejecting you. I just... No one has ever really wanted me before." He stated quietly. "I believe you. I believe in you... I just..."

"Softening a rejection... doesn't make it less of one. I think it's time I went and rest. Serah and I have to head out early to get the rest of the graviton cores." And with all those quick hunter reflexes Noel was gone. And Hope felt bereft for it.


	4. Snippet 4

Hope sits in his office. It's been 3 weeks since Noel and Serah left. So far, they had only brought back 2 of the graviton cores that he and Alyssa had needed for the raising of the new Cocoon. They had left with a promise to not come back until they had found the rest. While that was commendable and something Hope would have probably done. It made the scientist miserable. 

The great Director Estheim, the something of Academia, he never remembered how his title went, sat all alone in his office moping. He was filled with longing which felt like the purplest of prose to him. But even though Noel's touch was something barely felt he missed it. He missed it as much as he missed his mother's touch. At first, he thought it was childish that Noel would be gone so long. That he and Serah wouldn't come back to recover. 400AF was afterall, the safest place for them in any part of the timeline.

And then he realized that Noel wasn't gone to punish him, but to get over him. And that hurt more then he wanted to admit. Hope wasn't good with emotions, not really. He recognized pain and suffering. He knew happiness though sometimes that felt like a distant memory. What made things worse was that Hope did care for Noel. Somewhere in the murky place just before love. An intimacy that he'd never experienced before was what he often dreamed of experiencing with Noel.

The problem was, despite all the signs of mutual affection was that Hope believed he didn't deserve such a relationship. Nothing that deep, distracting or... important. He had set his path and that was to finish his work and then travel to 500AF to see the new Cocoon rise and fight whatever Caius might send their way. If he survived the transition and he planned to. He was sure that his mark would ensure his change back into crystal. And if not that... well, hopefully he wouldn't turn into a cieth. 

"Hope!" He jerked up and stared at Alyssa who was looking at him with a strange look on her face. "The meeting started 20 minutes ago and here you are lost in your own head! Come on, come on! We have to go and start figuring out how we're going to levitate this miracle of yours! "

She reached out and grabbed for his arm to pull him up for the chair and he dodge it swiftly heading for the door. Hope Estheim was not one to be touched. He blocked off the part of his mind that thought about Noel and shifted back into business mode. Maybe if he focused on his work more he wouldn't have to worry. Especially since after this meeting was also when the new analysis of the crystal pillar was set to come out.


	5. Snippet 5

Desperation was something that Hope usually pushed away until he didn't feel it. Letting himself feel desperation was as good as giving up. It was an emotion that left him completely immobile and usually led to hatred against nameless phantoms that he often mistook for other people. But, he had heard that Serah and Noel were back and that it wasn't good. Too worried about what might happen if the wrong people found about them and their abilities they had been hurried away to Hope's considerably well sized apartment.

And no one had thought to tell him until near midnight. He had tossed aside his tablet and work moving as fast as he could through the storm that had taken Academia in late afternoon with no plans to relinquish it's hold on the city. He really didn't live that far from headquarters but it was far enough to get soaked through. The door slid open to quiet. Alyssa must have left hours ago. He shucked off his jacket and boots. Hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt he made his way to his room and changed into sweats.

Afterwards, he immediately made for the guest rooms. He had two for Alyssa had insisted that he have multiple extra rooms for visitors. Badly made code that was meant to be about Fang and Vanille or any of the others that might be roaming the timeline of subsequently found. In the first room were both Noel and Serah. Hope swallowed hard at the sight. Both heavily injured, but Noel being more stubborn then most sat on the now ruined chaise next to Serah, holding her hand.

They were wrapped in bandages. Serah the better healer of the two honestly too tired to do more. Hope quelled down his anger. Alyssa knew that he had his powers, that he was a master mage. Why hadn't she called him? Pushing aside what felt like crawling pains in his chest. He moved closer to them and knelt down between chair and bed where their fingers were tightly tangled.

He would make no comments on that, he decided immediately.

"Hey." He whispered, not touching either. "Wake up."

Noel moved first, opening one tired blue eye to take him in and then shut it miserably. "I told Alyssa not to tell you."

"She didn't." Hope replied, not use to being on the other side of Noel's snark. The snide tone was something that he knew was going to lead to further rude comments. "I'll let you two rest in a moment."

Serah by now had opened her own eyes, looking at them through pink hair that had fallen into her face, ponytail long gone. She was still feeling terrible from the combination of a pain and curse spell. Her tiny gasp at the sight of Hope's brand was almost enough to make the scientist flinch. Instead he focused quietly.

"Curaja." It was probably overkill, but anything else wrong with them would be slept off if he took care of the over arching problems.

"Wow, you really are a powerful healer for someone like you." Noel said softly, so softly that the others barely head it. Serah was up immediately, glaring at the hunter for his insensitivity. 

Hope on the other hand let it wash over him. Someone like him indeed. Noel had no idea. "You two should get some sleep. Unfortunately spells like sleep aren't available to mages like me so I suggest you try on your own. Or I could go find a sleep drought?"

Serah turned to him and spoke for the first time, her voice scratchy from a particularly vicious silence spell that hadn't fully worn off. "What is going on between you two?" Her tone was accusing at the both of them.

"Esuna." Hope replied as he waved vaguely in her direction. Serah swallowed a few times with the new comfort she felt in her throat before she spoke again.

"I mean it. We won't leave until you two solve what's wrong." She looked back and forth between the two of them. At their continued silence, she seemed to grow particularly angry. "GROW UP! Whatever it is figure it out!"

Hope sighed and smiled that sad smile that Serah was far too used to. "You're both stressed and I'm sure it's been a long day for you. Get some rest. We'll talk in the morning."

"Or never." Noel snipped but Hope shook his head at the other.

"Noel, I don't know what's going on but-"

"You two get some rest. Let me know if you need anything." Hope cut in smoothly into the beginning of Serah's rant. He wiped his hands absently on his pants as he headed for the door. "After all, nothing is more important then your health."

"Hope wait-" Serah growled as she was cut off by the door shutting. She immediately rounded on Noel, determined to get some answers. "What. Is. Going. On?" She hissed, her temper slowly beginning to boil.

"A disagreement." Noel replied quietly, suddenly looking a lot less snarky. "Well... I guess rejection would be more appropriate."

That completely deflated Serah's temper and she reached out and took his hand again. She bit her lip empathically. Noel was her friend, her best friend and it hurt her to see him hurting like this. He must have hid it for a while that he had even confessed to Hope some kind of emotion. She squeezed his larger hand gently between both of hers.

"Is that why we went to go the rest all at once?" She asked quietly.

He shrugged tiredly, staring down at the combination of her hands. Like Yeul he felt he could tell her anything. Say anything, and yet, he didn't even know where to begin. "I'd hoped we'd be gone longer. Get over it a little bit, you know?"

She nodded and squeezed his hand again. "Let's get some sleep yeah? It might be better talk about it in the morning."


	6. Snippet 6

The door to Hope's bedroom slid shut behind him and he slapped his palm against the panel to lock it. He bit his lip angrily as he felt tears lining his lashes and shoved them back. He swallowed hard and yanked the covers down to climb into bed.

Someone like him indeed.

Noel didn't even know the half of it. Memories of a young him (A l'cie has no friends) and the person he'd been back in the first decade after the fall. Lifting up his left arm and looked at his strange white l'cie brand. He let it dropped to his side and closed his eyes to everything else.

******************

"Alyssa what are you doing?" Hope asked as he looked up from the control panel. He had left home before sunrise, not sure if he wanted to face Noel or Serah and headed for his office in Academia. When people finally started to come in to start the work day, he'd went down to the control room and started working on Cocoon.

"I think I found the fragment that goes with the gate on the other side of town. I can't wait until Noel and Serah get here! I hope it'll help them on their journey!" She replied as she held the artifact in her hands.

"Good." He smiled thinly and turned back to his standing desk. "Once they head into the future, it'll be up to us to get Cocoon up. 100 years suddenly seems like not enough time."

"We'll make it enough! Right Director?" She asked but Hope wasn't looking at her so he didn't see the strain in her eyes as he looked over the modifications that had been applied to the new blueprints.

"We will." He said quietly, wondering if he should just send Alyssa alone to 500AF to oversee the rise of Cocoon.

Alyssa sighed as Hope once again tuned her out. Lately, he'd been getting quieter and quieter. Sinking into himself in a way that reminded her of when she'd first met the Director. Idly, she wondered if it was the strain of traveling into the future. After all, she could understand that. The strain she felt from remembering the people she'd left behind. The things she missed and the places she missed. But right now there were more important things to do.

********************

Hope turned around when he heard Noel and Serah's voices talking with Alyssa. He turned to see then conversing about the fragment that Alyssa had found. He bit his lip as he realized it would be 100 years before he saw them again. 100 years with this rift that he'd created with Noel. He shook himself and approached them.

"That weapon that you wanted has been completed. Please pick it up at the desk. There should be one for both of you." Hope pushed himself to smile slightly. "Alyssa and I would like to meet you at the gate in about an hour before you leave so..."

"Got it." Noel replied stiffly. 

Watching them walk off made Hope just feel even worse. What if something happened? This would be the last time that he saw Noel and it would be all stiff conversations and painful, quiet barbs.

The oldest of the four turned and head back up to work but after about twenty minutes found that he couldn't concentrate. He nodded to Alyssa and another scientist and took his leave to go clear his head.

Outside in the grounds around Academia, Hope wasn't feeling all that comfortable but he shuffled off to the side, near one of the fences that kept people from plummeting to their deaths. This part of Academia was so high up, around five hundred floors or more. He looked up and out towards the crystal pillar and Cocoon his old home. He thought of Barthandelus and Orphan. 

Even though he couldn't see his brand and wouldn't dare to reveal it when others were around, he looked down at his left wrist.

"Once a monster..." He laughed softly, as if he could possibly be a monster. 

"Untouchable." He turned around to see Noel looking at him. "Serah talks about you from the early days of the fall as being warm, the embodiment of 'hope' and yet the person that I know is the exact opposite. Untouchable."

"You should be getting ready to leave." Hope replied, noticing that their part of the courtyard was now suspiciously empty and that Serah and Alyssa were sitting far outside of ear shot making sure no one got any closer.

"What happened in 3AF?" Noel asked again. "What happened to make you untouchable? Because you are that 'Hope' I realize now. It's mostly subtle the changes. Someone hurt you."

"A lot of people have hurt me." Hope muttered miserably. "Don't worry about it."

"...I love you Hope. I don't need to you to return my feelings but at least don't belittle it!" Noel snapped turning to glare at the other.

"I'm not! Or at least I'm trying not to... I appreciate your feelings. I..." Hope swallowed thickly as he looked down into this abyss that was Academia. The ground so far down, he'd never see it with the naked eye. "I don't deserve to have someone feel that way about me."

"And why not?" Noel asked, his tone suddenly different, gentle and encouraging. "Talk to me Hope."

"I can't." He admitted quietly, feeling tears lining his lashes. He felt so sad and angry. He wanted to tell Noel everything. Why he shouldn't feel that way about him, why it was so hard to talk about. His heart ached and he felt his stomach turn. Swallowing hard, Hope reached a shaky hand out and laid it on Noel's. "I can't. I can't talk about it. I can't explain any of it. I can't love you. I want to... but I can't."

"Shh." Noel's hand turned over and laced their fingers together. "Shh... it's all right. I don't understand but... I love you Hope and that's not going to fade. I'll be here when you're ready to talk about it."

No you won't, Hope thought sadly, and you'll never know.

"Thank you." The silver haired man said instead as he finally looked up at the other. Noel's eyes were tender. A look that Hope locked inside of him tightly. Noel smiled when Hope didn't break their eye contact.

"When all of this is over. If you truly believe that you can't go back... then go forward. Come find me." Hope's lips parted in response but Noel pressed a finger from his free hand against those thin lips. "Just think about it yeah? I think we'd both be happier... Not being alone anymore."


	7. Snippet 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, so here is the next 3!

Everything came crashing down 3 days after Noel and Serah left. Hope had just finished his work for the day, in other words the actual lead scientist of his cocoon project, Legia, told him to go home or get tranquilized to sleep. He shut down his terminal and stretched his arms above his head. No one ever understood the fact that 'stopping' meant time wasted to him. He knew more then anyone that you couldn't get time back.

It wasn't unusual for him to be leaving close to midnight, so seeing Alyssa waiting for him at reception wasn't unusual either. He approached her and greeted her warmly. She looked up at him with red eyes, as if she'd been crying for hours. Alarmed he motioned her to follow him to the side.

"I think it's too late for me." Alyssa was trembling now. "I thought that it worked... but there's only one other way to fix things."

"Alyssa what's wrong? Tell me, I can help." He asked as for the first time, he reached out and touched the young woman, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She threw his hand off and then launched at him. Unprepared for such an action he was knocked to the floor, his head bouncing painfully against the marbled floor. "It's your fault! Couldn't you just be satisfied with me?!"

He fumbled against her and managed to grab one of her hands, but his vision was distorted from the pain, he'd probably had hit something else on the way down and hadn't realized it. "What are you talking about?!"

"Saving the world?! For all these ungrateful people? You'll die Hope. I'll die! Cease to exist!"

He grabbed her shoulder and rolled them over, trying to pin her down. He could use his magic, but he worried that he would take it too far. He didn't want to hurt her if she was just hysterical. She bucked up against him uselessly for a few seconds and then her hands were up and around his neck.

"Pain..." Alyssa whispered softly, magic sparking from her hands. "Silence."

Hope's head slammed back against the hard floor again as the spells allowed the girl to roll him. Alyssa had never shown ability to use magic before. He knew there were those that could. He was using his magic again even before his durability as a l'cie were returned. His hands slipped off Alyssa and he stared up at her. The adrenaline was rushing through his veins but he couldn't attack with magic, his strong point. And the pain coursing through his body was making it hard to gather himself to launch a physical attack.

"You never really listened you know?" Alyssa said as she stared down at him. "Always looking to the future. Light this and Light that. When Vanille and Fang wake up! You never saw me! And now you want to go to 500AF! Why? Because of Serah and Noel?! They can't save the world! They're creating the paradoxes! Why couldn't stopping here be enough for you? Look at the world! It's amazing!" She was becoming more and more hysterical.

Hope willed himself to relax. It was obvious that the only magic Alyssa had was in the Saboteur class which meant she couldn't kill him. Nor had she made any moves to. He could see the guards were looking for a moment of her to lax. It seemed like she had had a mental break. 

"If Noel and Serah solve my paradox I'm gone." Alyssa whimpered and Hope swallowed hard, he weakly lifted his hand, causing the guards to back up. "I was there you know... All the way back then. The purge. You and me were the same. I wasn't from Bodhum... I was from Palumpolum like you. I died because of The Purge... because of creatures like you! I saw the mark! I know what you are! And I heard about Snow. As those two in the crystal... They are the reason I died! And now you're trying to kill me again!"

She was sobbing now, trembling above him and she fumbled with her pockets searching for something. He watched her, trying to look kindly at her, something he wasn't sure he remembered how to do. Finding what she was looking for, she pulled the gun out of her utility pack.

There was an irony there, the gun she held now. It was the gun that Rydgea had given her to help her defend herself. He remembered that when she'd become his assistant. Rydgea had insisted that she have some sort of weapon because the Academy still had enemies... Hope still had enemies. She pressed the gun to his chest. Trembling and shaking.

Hope had always wondered how it would be that he would finally die. He knew the guards were now on full alert. But any wrong move would end his life just as surely as if they let Alyssa do what she wanted. It was odd, he'd spent a lot of time thinking of his death. A lot of time walking with death as a close friend. But here, when he'd thought that death was the furtherest from him that it'd been since before The Purge. Here he was, so close to that strange feeling of fear.

A gun shot sounded. One of the guards firing a warning shot. Alyssa shook in fear and squeezed the trigger. Hope gasped in pain as the bullet hit his shoulder with a force that was jarring. He'd hadn't been shot in a long time. Alyssa snapped the gun back to his heart...and then the gun disappeared. Alyssa stared at her now empty hands in shock.

With the adrenaline surge, he rolled them back over, but in the process of the roll Alyssa disappeared completely and he was left on his face on the ground.

"DIRECTOR!" Someone screamed and then people were moving all around him as everything faded to black.

**********************

Hope sat at his desk wearily. His assassination attempt was still a source of confusion for him. He remembered blond hair and a face that should have sported a snarky smirk. Which didn't align with the fact that the man that had attempted to murder him had brown hair. It was someone who had read the files on the proto Fal'cie project. Cocoon was remembered as a paradise. A fragile paradise where no pain existed. A fanatical cult had sprung around his old research.

Wanted him out of the way so they could build a human paradise with a Fal'cie at the center. As if that would save them from catastrophe. People who hadn't lived there and could never understand. A mere human could not control a Fal'cie. If Fal'cie were to exist, humans would be nothing more then fancy pets.

Once they had gotten silence off him, reflex had kicked in and he cast healing spells on himself. He had to be up. He had to keep moving. Falling was not an option. His mind had been fourteen again, stuck on Pulse in the Archylte Steppe. 

_Heal and heal fast Hope, we can't wait on you. Hold your own weight, we can't wait for you._

After the adrenaline wore off, he'd collapsed in his hospital bed and slept for two days straight. His brand had woken him towards the end of the second day, bright and burning. He'd held it for hours. Swallowing down the pain. When it was over, his brand was even stranger then before. No longer a mark of Pulse, it had merged with Etro's mark.

He recognized it from all his research of the Paddra Ruins. Unsure of this new cause of events, he laid back down on the bed and let his worry, his pain, anxiety and fear consume him. He wept bitterly and wished that Noel and Serah would return. They couldn't make things right, but once again, he was all alone in this world.


	8. Snippet 8

They say that dreams can be the thing that you want the most. It can create the happiest time of your life. And after being dragged into the void beyond before Vanille had saved her, that's where Serah had been. She'd been in Bodhum back with everyone who was important to her. NORA, Snow and even Lighting had been there. But when she woke up, she realized how fake a reality that was. Sazh and Daij weren't there, Hope wasn't there and Noel wasn't there. The dream didn't exist outside of the fake Bodhum and she would have never seen those people again. But still, while the dream had had her ensnared she'd been content.

Noel's dream was much different. The empty desert sands and dawning horror that the end of the world was a barely there ruin of a town and three people. She couldn't imagine how lonely it would feel. She had thought, when Vanille had explained the dream, that Noel's happiness would be back when the village was larger. His grandmother still alive. Or maybe even a fake future with them all living in Academia.

But even as she thought all of that she realized how hard it was to reach out to Noel. It wasn't that he was happy that she couldn't get to him. It was that this was his past. This was his life that she was seeing. It was especially painful to see the phantoms of the people who use to live in his village. It was at least 40 people total. And by the time she met him... Noel was only 18 years old. Her heart ached for him. It reminded her of the fact that Hope was even younger too, when his world fell apart.

As Serah fought to break Noel free she came upon a realization about the dreams. She realized that these half formed phantoms that made up their dreams were more of what Caius thought that their happiness was. And Caius was a bad judge of anyone's happiness all things considered. The more she called out to Noel the more he begin to doubt the dream. And then light pierced the sky and finally he could see her.

"Were you really happy here?" She asked quietly as she held his hand, preparing to leave this lonely time.

"Maybe? With Yeul and Caius here it hadn't been so bad but..." He rolled his shoulders. "If I'd been happy I would have chose to let it all end right? In this dream I would have ended up just as alone as I was back then."

"Would it be okay..." Serah bit her lip timidly. "If we went back to 400AF? I'm still not really feeling too hot after this."

"Sure." He smiled warmly at her. 400AF was one of the safest times for them and really one of the most productive, to see the people that they were helping. It didn't bring them much closer to those they were looking for... Yeul, Lighting... but it brought them to people that mattered Alyssa and Hope.


	9. Snippet 9

Coming to Academia was one of the most amazing things that ever happened on their adventure. 400AF was everything that one could hope for the future. At least that's how it usually seemed. When they arrived this time there was a vicious storm terrorizing the streets and most people were taking refuge in their homes. The two friends laughed at each other knowing that Alyssa and Hope would have been some of the few brave enough to leave their homes and immediately headed for the Academia building, running through the life giving rain and feeling much better then they had in the wasteland that Caius had left them in.

"Can you get Alyssa for us?" Serah asked as she stared down at her soaked dress, hoping that Alyssa could bring them some Academy clothing.

"Alyssa?" The receptionist asked confused. "I'm sorry but who do you mean?"

"Alyssa Zaidelle, the Director's assistant." Noel elaborated with confusion. "She came along with Hope to this time period."

"I think you must be mistaking." The receptionist, replied with a look of confusion. "The Director came by himself. Maybe the time traveling has messed with you memory of who and why. Aina Stiein is his current assisstant. Maybe this Alyssa was one in the past?" She asked with cheer.

Serah and Noel looked at each other in confusion. They hadn't really solved any paradoxes or done much of anything since they'd left 400AF the last time. Especially if the receptionist still remembered them. After all, only those that directly worked with Hope was allowed to know about their origins.

"Well then... It must be out mistake." Noel stated firmly. "Serah why don't you go with Aina and find us some dry clothes and I'll go on and report to Hope about or recent findings?"

"S-sure!" Serah replied catching on quickly. If something had changed, there was a good chance that Hope would know and it would be better to not do anything too out of the ordinary.

"Okay..." The receptionist nodded. "Then you can wait for Aina here, she should be done with a meeting right about now. Director Esthiem is in his office."

"All right. Out." Noel murmured as he headed for the elevator, not sure of what he'd find when he met up with Hope.

************************

What he found was most certainly not what he expected. The great director was sitting on the couch within his spacious office. An office that had been under a new lock system. Noel had put his hand to the panel in the hopes that he knew what he was doing and thanked Etro when it opened.

Hope didn't turn to face him, his arms wrapped around himself. His boots had been discarded beside the couch. His Academy jacket was missing as well. He was curled up in on himself. Asleep. Noel felt affection for the other man surge within him as he watched Hope sleep for a few moments. Remembering his reason for finding the director he quickly moved towards the couch and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Mom?" The still sleeping man whimpered softly, turning into Noel's touch slightly. Noel swallowed hard and shook the other gently not wanting to feel any worse hearing unintended words. "WHAT? WHO?"

The sudden change in Hope's actions had Noel jumping back in surprise. The young director was up on his feet within seconds, hand lifted up to cast magic. Noel raised his hands up nervously. Hope stared at him wide eyed for a few moments before his hand dropped and he fell back onto the couch.

"Er... Are you all right?" Noel asked quietly.

"This have been very hectic around here. With Alyssa-"

"I was wondering about that," Noel interrupted. "When we asked about her at reception no one knew who she was."

Hope nodded and pulled his feet up on the couch and gestured to one of the chairs that occupied the sitting area. Noel opted for the large, comfortable looking chair and dragged it closer. Hope smiled at the childish gesture as Noel almost had the chair only few feet from the couch so that they were facing each other.

"Alyssa was a paradox." Hope stated quietly, listening for Noel's sharp exhale of surprising knowing the other would stay silent until he was finished. "She gave you the artifact to trap you. I assume that when you escaped her trap... That you somehow solved her paradox. She disappeared as she was trying to kill me."

"How do you remember all this if no one else does?" Noel asked quietly.

"One of Alyssa's many theories was of how memory works. When you and Serah altered 10AF we hadn't been around each other for very long. She figured that bodies and minds could remember people who had significant impact on them. Hence why I remember Alyssa but others don't. And even then... I don't remember her clearly. If it wasn't for the strong impression she went out on... I probably would have figured her a figment of my imagination so I wouldn't be so lonely."

"But... if she was a paradox... then she should she still exist. I mean... would you have just met her later or something."

"Alyssa told me... that her paradox had to do with The Purge... She was somehow allowed to live."

The realization slammed into Noel hard. He remembered way back in 5AF meeting Alyssa and her talking about her friend Nena and how she felt she might have died in The Purge too. To think, that somehow back then, something should have seemed strange or odd to him about her. It had never crossed his mind that a paradox could be that far reaching.

"Then all that she invented?" He asked quietly.

"Well, when we stopped working on the proto Fal'cie project you certainly ruined her plans. She was going to use the A.I. to subdue me so that we would stay in 400AF."

"Wait... so she's the reason you all died in that timeline?!"

"I wouldn't say reason..." Hope trailed off tiredly. "She just wanted to live Noel. I think you of all people could understand that."

That sentiment left a bitter taste in Noel's mouth and he glared slightly at the older man. "I don't just want to live Hope. The future... it's horrible."

"I know." Hope reached out, bare handed and all. He laid his hand on Noel's and the hunter sighed softly at the feel of soft flesh, protected by gloves and l'cie powers alike. They watched each other quietly for a few moments before Hope spoke again. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" The hunter asked as he looked up at the surprisingly open eyes of the scientist.

"For not being honest with you. It has come to my attention that well... Twice in the last week there has been attempts to take my life. Honestly they feel more real then anything I faced as a l'cie because then I wasn't alone." The silver haired man paused to swallow. "I... Just listen to me please?"

Noel nodded and watched as Hope took a deep breath and wrapped his other hand around Noel's as well. Holding his hand tightly and intimately. The silence stretched out but Noel knew better then interrupt the other as the scientist seemed to marvel over the contrast of their hands. One tanned and lightly scared the other pale and clear.

"I am still a l'cie." Hope finally started quietly. "Which means that unless this mark disappears again I will turn to crystal. I will leave you. My focus... if I have one is most likely this great project of mine to build a new Cocoon. Once you and Serah fix the timeline... I'll die in a way. At least until the next time the world is in danger."

"If you fix the timeline to the point that I go back into the past and don't need to build Cocoon then I will stay back there and never meet or know you. You'll be in the future with Yeul." Hope took a deep shuttering breath. "If by some chance that what you feel for me is love... Me accepting you is far crueler then rejection."

Noel's opened his mouth and then snapped it shut audibly. For some reason he'd never expected Hope to really give so much though into his confession. Which made him supremely happy because it meant the other cared. But also annoyed, because it was obvious that the silver haired man had never even tried to think of anything positive about it.

"You are an utterly pessimistic guy when it comes to yourself as opposed to your wholly optimistic outlook on everything else." Noel stated and Hope looked at him puzzled and he realized that maybe his muddled sentence didn't make sense.

"I'm just being realistic Noel."

"Realistic?" The hunter shook his head firmly. "Every time I've met you through out the timeline or have been around something you've done... You do three impossible things every week it seems. In the 27 years you've lived in give or take a few with timeline changes... You've traveled to the future with no aid from the Goddness. You're built a fal'cie and unmade one. You've studied Fenrir and have started building a new Cocoon. You've also helped to build Academia, and probably many more things that I just haven't figured out yet. The entire future can't exist without you Hope. People wouldn't have come this far without you."

"Anyone else could have easily taken my place." He gave a small smile. "And all it would take for these people not to trust me is to see my brand."

Noel eyes snapped down to Hope's shirt sleeve. With his free hand, he grapped his wrist and pushed up the sleeve and laid his hand on Hope's new brand. The l'cie jumped and tried to pull away. Noel held firm while the other slowly calmed down.

Hope trembled, even back then, when he was fourteen no one had touched his brand. He could remember when talking to his father about his curse. His father's hand had laid on his arm. Unable to touch the mark, but expressing the desire to support the son he had took for granted.

But things had been easy then, because they had had all the time in the world. As he thought about his father. His father's complete willingness to be on his team. Hope had learned a very important lesson about hidden support. As he thought about what he was doing now, he realized that he was much the same. Wanting to help, but not sure about how to be at the forefront. He wondered if he was punishing himself for being like him.

"Hope?" The older man snapped back up to look into his eyes. Hope stared at him, his face covered in blush. Hope found himself unable to tear his face away from Noel's. The hunter was... he was everything that Hope wanted. But feeling the warmth of Noel's hand on his brand was a firm reminder. He forced his heart to close.


	10. Snippet 10

It was too soon when Serah and Noel left again. Hope put on a brave face, but he wasn't ready. He wasn't sure if he could ever be ready to be alone again. While he knew that they were the best chance to fix things. He also knew, that they were also the worst people to fix things. Noel and Serah had no care to save the world. They were messing with the timeline for selfish reasons.

Serah wanted Lighting back, was willing to risk everyone else to get her sister back. Including Snow if one were to really be honest. And Noel wanted to save Yeul. It was ridiculous he thought to have such a narrow reason for doing something so big. When he had been a l'cie and they had all been lost. Saving Cocoon had been their reason.

And well, Hope knew he was somewhat throwing stones from his own glass house. If he could, he would damn the world if it meant saving Light, Fang, Vanille and his mother. He knew it was stupid that at 27, he still missed his mother, still wanted her back. But it was his own selfishness. His lifeline.

But he knew that unlike Serah and Noel he had a line in the sand, he could not sacrifice the people that he had been willing to save when his life was forfeit. When he had heard of Noel and Serah's time traveling he knew that he couldn't have really changed anything. He was sure that he couldn't save his mother. It was a desire. A wish. Mostly what he wanted to do was to go back before The Purge and show his mother that he would grow up. That he would be okay. Not perfect, not completely happy... but okay.

Which was something he wasn't. He'd taken to sleeping less. No one else really understood him here. He was the great scientist, more like a magician really. He'd pioneered so many things. Thought up 1o new impossible things a day and completed at least 20 impossible things a week. He was the architect of the new Cocoon even if he'd had several different people over several different centuries doing most of the work, development and understanding.

The human mind was vast yes, but there was only so much one man could do. After all, before this, such a thing had been done by Fal'cie, beings who could think things into creation, a vast different type of archetype from him. And also a devastating one as he remembered that Bartandulus was bound to his own 'focus' unable to challenge it. Thinking of Baratndulus in any sort of sympathetic light probably meant he was sleep deprived. But he couldn't help it.

He couldn't sleep. Sleep meant remembering the assassination attempts more vividly then he already did. He could still sometimes feel Alyssa on top of him, the gun pressed to his chest. The wild look of pain in her eyes. She hated him, she hated him in a way that was more cutting and definitely deeper then when the villagers had looked upon him with rage and fear in Palumpolum.

It was strange. Sometimes he asked himself what she hated about him. Was it that he was alive? A l'cie? Was it that he wanted to change the future? Or was it that he was willing to sacrifice her, even unknowingly, to accomplish his goals? Hope knew that what he wanted was a pipe dream. He was ready to die for his dreams.

He'd assumed that he'd die alone back in the first century after the fall. All his friends had left. The few he had gained left after terrorist incident. Whether because he chased them away or such was the way of things, he hadn't really known or cared. People hated him. That was what was important.

Even once they had came back to Pulse it wasn't as if they were safe from Fal'cie. Pulse fal'cie had other reasons to make l'cie. And with most people still believing the Cocoon Fal'cie poisoning it hadn't been easy. Sometimes, people sought out the fal'cie. For strength, to do whatever stupid thing. Or Fal'cie sought out people to do their bidding. 

Hope pulled himself from his musing and stared down at his brand. He stroked his fingers over it idly. His mind conjuring up the feeling of Noel's hand pressed over it again. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. For the first time, he fervently wished that he was the one who had disappeared and not Alyssa.


	11. Snippet 11

If there was a trait that Hope could admire in Noel it was his determination. He had thought that the other man had forgotten about grilling him for information about the past. That was a rather dumb thought on his point. As he sat in his office, he didn't go home much anymore. He among the first to get messaged that the two time travelers had entered their time again. Which made him nervous. He knew the end was near, the time in which they would finally confront Caius for the last time. When things should be made right.

Hope didn't know if he was ready for such things to happen.

While this strange limbo that he was in wasn't the most uncomfortable. 400AF could never really be home, he wasn't sure if he had a home to return to. After the fall they had gone on with their own lives. And seemingly the others never thought of him again. At least that's how it felt now. He knew that Lighting had sought them out. He hadn't the slightest inclination about Sazh until the military had approached him about his disappearance.

And he hadn't know shit about Snow and Serah until Alyssa had been brought to his attention about having direct contact with the time travelers. All right, so maybe it was better to stop avoiding the subject. Hope wasn't sure he wanted to go back to the past. He was afraid he'd be ignored.

He was afraid he'd be alone again. He wished he could be selfish and stay in 400AF with Noel and Serah and even stupid Snow if it meant that he wouldn't have to be alone anymore. Even if he knew that wouldn't happen. He found himself wishing for it so desperately that it scared him.

He jerked back to the present as the door slid open. It had been a month since the happenings with Alyssa and he was still so scared. Only a handful of people could actually enter his office. The security was gene locked but even then he couldn't help but be afraid. Regardless of what the people remembered due to the absolving of Alyssa's paradox, one of his closest allies had tried to kill him.

And the second attempt on his life only a few days later had more then rattled him. He had no desire to be seen by people. He wanted to be left alone to do his work. Noel was standing in the doorway. When he entered, the door slid shot. As with the other times, Serah didn't come, to give them time alone. To pursue a relationship that couldn't happen.

"Hey... Aina told me you haven't been going home to sleep." The hunter commented quietly as he approached the other.

"It's... it's hard." Hope admitted as he let Noel pull him away from the desk and over to the couch. They sat quietly together as Noel studied the older man's face. The bags under his eyes and the sorrowful look in his eyes, even more pronounced then it had been in 10AF. "It's scary... being all alone."

"It's almost over." Noel murmured as he placed a hand on the other's face. Hope closed his eyes and leaned into the calloused hand. The younger man watched his face quietly, watched as Hope relaxed for probably the first time since he left. "You don't have to be alone anymore."

"In 3AF..." Hope swallowed hard and brought his hand up to cradle the larger hand against his face. He had missed being touched more then he could have ever realized. "I was taken by anti-Academy, anti-l'cie forces. They kept me for a total of two months. I was tortured durning that time. Mentally, physically... sexually."

Noel sucked in a breath. He had wanted to know, had hounded the other and now he felt guilty. He knew that it was a bad idea, but he thought that it was obvious that the other hadn't shared it, hadn't gotten over it.

"Even when you know something... it's easy to lose sight of it. It was easy to fall back into the mindset that I'd had before. To believe that even though I'd been freed of the l'cie curse that I deserved what was happening. It didn't even phase me when they sent their demands to the Academy. They wanted me publicly executed, the face of the Fall." Hope reached out to Noel and pressed himself against him. Being laid bare like this, made him long for the time that Noel had held him and he'd felt safe. Picking up on the other's wants, the hunter pulled him close and looped his free arm around him.

"The Academy refused of course. Rydgea and my father had found the Academy on the basis of freeing people of Fal'cie control. Following our own paths as humans... This enraged the terrorists. They kidnapped my father, decided to publicly execute us both. I don't really remember much. But, they never tortured my father. I can remember his face as he tried to tend my wounds, as he tried to be brave enough to realize that he couldn't protect me again."

Hope was shaking by now, Noel wanted to beg him to stop, he didn't want to know anymore. Didn't want to hear anymore. Be careful what you wish for, the elders of his village use to say. He'd never understood the sentiment so well before.

"I don't remember if they brought him in or if he fought his way in... but they were hurting me and my father was there. He tried to help me and he was hit, shot? I don't know, they were trying to get him away from me and he cried out in pain. I felt a rage then that I hadn't felt in so long. I did the impossible and summoned Alexander." Hope fingers dug into the chocolate haired man's back. "When I woke up from my fog they were all dead and my father had paged an SOS to the Academy. I didn't notice that my brand was back until my father wrapped my arm up to hide it."

"I sorry." Noel whispered as he held him tightly. "I'm so sorry."

Hope leaned into him further, his eyes closed tightly. He wasn't crying, Noel could tell and that only made the hunter wish that he would. It had never occurred to him to think about how harsh life would have been for the 6 l'cie after the Fall. The people who would blame them, the problems they would have. Even when Serah described it to him, it had sounded like people had left them alone, had been too busy moving on with their lives.

Hope had taken the brunt of their hatred alone.How could Hope do this he wondered? How could Hope still feel the urge to save people when saving them had only cost him pain. He didn't know how to ask and he was sure he didn't want to know the answer.

"Don't be sorry." Hope pulled back to look at him. "It's not all so bad, I guess. When it's all over..." When I'm crystal. "Maybe I'll dream of you? It'll be such a nice dream."


	12. Snippet 12

Hope sighs as he looks into the gravity well. He's not exactly looking forward into going back into the time machine, but he knows he has no choice. There are too many reasons, the main reason is that there is no one else that can go. Maybe if he'd had some kind of traveling companion, but he had a feeling that would only succeed in turning him into a cieth. And of all the things that could be in his future, that was not an option.

Once was enough for him, even if it was only an illusion.

Spacing his fingers along the small box, he wondered idly how he had managed to do all this alone, before he realized that he hadn't. Even if the memory was growing fainter by the day, he knew that Alyssa had been there, he'd written her name down countless times and in the small book where he wrote down important things. There was nothing else he could do for the blond girl but remember her... even if she had hated him.

But then again, he was use to that by now. He swallowed hard as he listened to Aina talk about the precautions that they were taking this time with placing him inside. Another two assassination attempts had been thwarted in the month since Noel and Serah had left for the last time. He wished that he could call them back. Just a little more time, but there was not time for that. He nodded to the other officials who had come to see him off.

"Good luck and may the gods watch over you." Director Ashcroft saluted and Hope briefly saluted back.

He climbed into the box and the 'bed' that was to cradle his body for a century. Sometimes he couldn't believe that he'd willingly agreed to get inside something so small for nearly 400 years. Even if he didn't remember it. Once the box had been shut, he felt the brief feeling of claustrophobia. More then use to the openness of Gran Pulse, being in such a small place hurt. Shuffling down his feelings, he took the sleep serum and closed his eyes.

"One last time."

*********************

"You look like you're going to cry." A familiar voice state and Hope's eyes snapped open. What he found made him realize that immediately he was dreaming, and that that was impossible being in suspended animation. As he opened his mouth to ask a million and a half questions Lighting (and she had the nerve to look exactly the same as she had all those years ago) held up her hand and silenced him.

He fell back and realized that he was 14 again and stared up at her wide eyed. He looked over his own body and she smiled thinly. "Don't get left behind."

"I'm not some little kid anymore!" He shouted at her, and the who scene shifted and the disorientation made him throw up.

"This isn't a dream Hope." This time, Lighting was different. He was different, looking down at himself, he realized that he was wearing his Academy uniform and was an adult again, looking down at a Lighting that he'd grown much taller then.

And she... she looked exactly as she had in the Oracle Drive, a warrior goddess and just as stone faced as ever. He felt tears of joy and pain well up in his eyes. And even though she would never be the type, he still found himself enfolding her in his arms. So tightly that the armor cut into his flesh but he didn't care. He had thought that she hadn't come to see him because he was too weak or even worse, because she had seen and hated him now.

"You grew up well." She whispered, her own arms coming up to wrap around him. He smiled into her hair, remembering the childish crush that he'd had on her with something akin to embarrassment. Back then, he hadn't understood what it had meant to build your own family, but now that those feelings were understood he clung to her even tighter. "I do still need to breath." She stated drily.

"Sorry." He pulled back and looked her over again, itching to pull her back close again.

"You do know, that if you hug Vanille and Fang like that in front of Noel he's going to get jealous." She teased again, her cold expression melting a little as she smoothed out his clothes. "I'm proud of you."

"What does it matter what Noel thinks?" He blushed and Lighting laughed quietly.

"I've been watching over you for a long time Hope. I've been watching over everyone." She rested her hands on his shoulders and could feel him tremble, even as she looked up into his eyes, refusing to let him look away. "I should have been there... So you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"I assume that Valhalla wasn't just going to let you do things on your own time." He muttered miserably, glad that they weren't going to talk about what actually happened.

"Maybe not, but it does have it's perks. Like bending the rules." She tapped his left shoulder. "Your brand is a paradox. I can't guarantee that you won't turn into crystal but if it does happen it will be brief. It's also why you're brand is weird. You're focus is to protect yourself."

"...that's why it appeared then." He stared down at his wrist in thought and she squeezed his shoulders tightly.

"You underestimate yourself Hope. You are hope, at least for me. You can do anything with the right tools. We needed you back then and we need you now more then ever. Don't give up." She gave him her tiny little smile. "And stop holding yourself back. At least I can approve of Noel."

He found himself laughing and crying as the dream faded. No matter what, Lighting always knew what he needed.


	13. Snippet 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! My Mommy has taken ill so I had to take a break and attend to that. Here's the last three.
> 
> Also! Sequel ahoy! Should come in next week if things stay stable.

500AF was beautiful for the first five minutes that Hope set foot there. And then it exploded into battle. He'd been surprised to see Sazh there, a friend once swallowed by a Paradox but he took it. It was both nostalgic and reassuring to have someone he trusted his life with backing him up. It made him feel less alone.

When he spotted Serah and Noel aboard the airship, he went to them. He need to see them. When he was across from them, his heart swelled. He wanted to tell Noel everything. How much he loved him, needed him. He had denied himself for so long. Wasn't able to see them before he had to enter the gravity well again. He thought of his painful sleepless nights. If it hadn't been for the verging battle he would have cried.

"Go to Fang and Vanille." Serah ordered sadly, but sternly. She'd seen the look of longing on Hope's face and knew that Noel's face was probably the exact mirror. As they turned away to head towards Caius. Hope swallowed hard and turned his own airship towards the pillar.

"Hit it hard!" Hope yelled once he'd braced himself against the airship. He wasn't afraid of anything. He knew that behind him, the people, already evacuated to Bhunivelze a year ago were safe. Launched into the pillar he waited for Sazh's airship to appear as he stared ahead. Fang and Vanille would be towards the center. He'd analyzed the maps enough to know.

"Hope!" Sazh's airship docked with the other as a temporary port to get them in and out. "What's it look like?"

"It looks like the chaos monsters haven't infected this area yet. But, who knows as we go along." He took Sazh's hand as the older man pulled them close and they hugged.

"Damn it's weird to see you as a grown man. You were what? 16 the last time I saw you." Sazh teased as he looked him over. "Lighting would approve."

Hope couldn't help the blush that crossed his cheeks. "I guess we'll know when the battle is over right?"

"Roger that. Let's go pick up the ladies shall we?" Sazh laughed as he checked his guns and Hope pulled out his boomerang.

"Lt. Krieg... I want you in charge here. Team A and B are with me. I'll take point, Useif get the rear." Hope turned to the maze of paths that made up the interior of the crystal pillar. "I don't know how much time we actually have, but we can do."

"Hey don't forget our motto kid. Making the impossible, possible." Sazh laughed as he clapped him on the shoulder and they took off into the pillar.

*********************

Hope smiled and waved Sazh off with the intention of his airship scoping out for Serah and Noel while he tied things up with Fang and Vanille. As he directed the movement of the two crystals on to the airship, he felt his heart warm for the first time in a long time. Yes, they were still crystal, but they were going to be taken to a place where he could watch over them. And with the world saved, he could dedicate his time to saving them... In Noel's time.

His heart warmed by his decision he caught a ride on a different airship then Fang and Vanille's so that he could go catch up with Sazh. When he spotted them being caught by the older man's airship, his heart swelled even more. Coccon would fall in a matter of hours and everything was safe and prepared for it. He directed his airship towards them, sure that when Cocoon fell under it's right conditions that Serah and Noel would disappear and he wanted to say goodbye.

What he found, made his heart wither. The way that Noel was holding Serah let him know that there was no happy ending to be had. They had completed their mission but Serah was gone. Snow and Light... what would they say?

"It's all wrong." Noel admitted quietly. "She... she saw the future. It changed. All of it."

"No... That can't." Hope felt his heart shatter, his plans died and he rocked Mog in his arms. What was there left?

"INCOMING!" Sazh's called. Both men braced against the ship, but instead of a new creature to fight, inky greenish, black mist stretched out from the gate that Noel and Serah had come through enveloped Gran Pulse and Bunivelze. The pillar snapped and fell into Gran Pulse sending a counter wave that sent Hope sprawling to the ground, he barely managed to grasp onto the ship so he wouldn't fall off.

"The world is changing." Hope spoke quietly as he looked around at the sky. He looked to Noel and swallowed hard. "We need to get inside."

Once inside it wasn't as if anything changed. Mog and Serah were placed into sick bay for lack of anything better to do. Noel sat at Serah's side and held her hand. She was gone but it still was too hard to admit that she wasn't going to wake up.

"She saw the timeline. Etro gave her the same gift as Yeul."

"But..." Hope swallowed hard. "If she saw a future... there must be one right?" He asked, attempting to be hopefully, to bring that cocky look back onto Noel's face.

"Serah... is the second person to die in my arms... All I wanted, was to make the future... My time better. And I failed Hope."

"You didn't fail." Hope stated desperately. He grabbed Noel's shoulder and turned him to face him. They stared into each other's eyes, green matched with blue. Both filled with sorrow and maybe even anger. "You and I are still here. There are only two fixed points in time, what happened today... and what the others and I did 500 years ago. There has to be something we can do."

"NO!" Noel smacked his hands away and stood up, marching for the door. Hope followed him desperately as the other headed towards who knows. He followed the younger man through the ship to where Noel finally stopped in an empty conference room. The brown haired man pointed out the window to where the twilight was slowly becoming permanent. "This is all there is left. Time doesn't exist anymore."

"We are still here Noel." He grabbed his shoulders, there was so much despair in the other. He only had one last thing to try. "I love you Noel... and I am trying to help you. If you give up now, then nothing will change. We will have lost. Have faith."

Noel stared at him with wide eyes. He reached a hand up and touched the smaller man's face but moved no more. Hope felt stripped bare, as if the other was trying to find the truth in his eyes. The silence stretched on until the ship bumped as it landed on Bhunivelze.

Noel said nothing as he walked away. Hope swallowed hard, even with everything that he knew, he had put himself out there for Noel. The rejection stung as it felt like the other man was rejecting everything about him, his love, his hope and faith. He didn't follow him.


	14. Snippet 14

The new world, for it didn't seem like there was any other way to describe it was bland and rather depressing. Noel found himself likening it to 700AF even if that seemed closed to him now. The others didn't understand, he'd ruined everything. Caius was dead, Yeul was dead, Serah was dead... after he promised Lighting to protect her. He swallowed back tears as he stood alone on the balcony of Academy headquarters. Everyone had come to regroup. Bhunivelze was an unreachable orb in the sky right now, Chaos had invaded the world, but it swarmed there and right now, the government didn't want to risk anyone entering it.

He wanted to go, not to die, but to redeem himself. This chaos and loss of life was his fault. He clenched his fists on the rail and was then surprised when a hand curled around his. Hope stood beside him saying nothing, his sleeves were rolled up and his brand was revealed.

"If you are going to be hated." Hope stated quietly. "We'll be hated together."

"Hope... no... I-" The taller man turned and grasped him.

"I can handle it. You go, I go." The silver haired man pointed to Bhunivelze. "We'll right our wrongs together."

************************

"Noel!" Hope gasped as he was bodily lifted off his hurt ankle. "PUT ME DOWN!"

"You have to rest." Noel sat Hope down on the cot and knelt down in front of him. Behind him somewhere was Sazh and Dajh laughing.

"You've pushed yourself too hard." Noel replied annoyed as he lifted Hope's leg to message the broken ankle. "You're making it worse."

"Then lift the silence so I can heal." He growled but the hunter rolled his eyes.

"And then you'll pass out due to exhaustion. Look. We're staying at camp today. C team can handle it. These monsters aren't worth your life over." Noel sat back on his heels after rewrapping Hope's ankle.

"The kid's right." Sazh murmured quietly. "It might be in our best interest to abandon this place for now. The chaos being centered here is containing the beasts and buying us time."

"To do what." Hope muttered miserably.

"To find a way to turn this around." Sazh replied and Hope's head jerked up to stare at him. He had let that slip his mind in the long slog through monster after monster, his mind turned off. Stuck in the past as he thought about how useless he'd been back then.

*************************

"I'm sorry." Noel murmured as he wrapped his hands around Hope's. "I didn't mean to."

Hope shrugged lightly and reached out to push some hair out of Noel's face. "I understand you know... In my own way. The guilt."

"I'm not guilty." The younger man shook his head and Hope sighed softly and cradled his cheek.

"Yes you are." Hope smiled faintly. "It's been 100 years, you think I wouldn't notice? We both failed Noel. If you don't face your guilt... it will be harder for us to find a solution."

"And what solution could there possible be? The Goddess is dead." He looked so miserable and Hope sighed softly.

"She is... and we've wasted 100 years wallowing in guilt. This extended life hurts and it's never ending and chaos is beating at our doors but I will fight Noel... until I can't. And I know you want to do that too... but you can't fight if you are stuck feeling guilty."

"I don't feel guilty!" Noel shouted in his face shoving him backwards. "I am trying to figure out how to do things in my own way! So let me!"

"I..." Hope stared into his eyes for a few moments and then nodded faintly. "All right. I need to get to the Academy. We'll talk later."

"Hope..."

*************************

"You know, I always thought that it was dumb that I was named 'hope.' I mean, I know why my mother did it and I value it. But twice in my life I've been hailed as 'hope' itself and I feel like I've let people down ever time." Hope replied as he laid on the cool grass staring up into the sky.

It was night as they lay out on the Archylte Steppe. It was better to look at the sky at night, light from far off stars in the sky, shinning into the chaos and turning it different shades of green and blue. It was as beautiful as it was disheartening. During the day, the colors were sickly, but at night... They were soft, hazy.

In the year 700AF, it had seemed like a fun thing to do. Go out and escape all the stress they were facing in Academy. There was the tension between the government and the military about what to do, without any enemies to fight. The the unaging population stuck in a state of unrest. The people, who were starting to rebel and an insidious cult that was building up and talking about the end of the world.

"I don't think you've let anyone down." Noel murmured as he looked over at the other man. He reached a hand out and wrapped it around Hope's. "I think the fact that you of all people are still alive is what's keeping this dead world together."

"I'm glad to know at least someone thinks highly of me." Hope teased.

Noel rolled over on his side and pulled Hope to face him. "I wanted to come out here for something different then to talk about that."

"Then what?" Hope asked, his voice hushed. This felt like something big. The way that Noel was almost holding him. The quiet around him, the rest of their party in the ruined village asleep. Noel cradle his cheek and smiled gently at him.

"A love confession should always be private right?" Noel teased lightly and Hope gasped softly, his hand rising to cup the one on his face. Though they had never mutually decided, the tension and pain between them had caused them both to abandon the idea of pursuing the relationship that they had danced around before chaos invaded. But now...

"If this is the rest of our lives, fuck, even if it isn't." Noel pulled him close. "I'm sorry... And I still love you. I love you so much."

"Noel." It was one word, unbidden from his lips. Hope stared at him with wide eyes before he leaned forward, the hunter watched him and then their lips were pressed together gently, tenderly. "I love you."

*************************

"You've got to be kidding me." Sazh replied as he sat across from the general. He stared back and forth between General Ajat and Hope. "This can't be happening."

"As the primary target... Noel will be my body guard and I will be confined inside Academy for the next 50 years. "We need you to go into hiding." Hope explained quietly. "I know that this isn't... The cult has grown much to big to do anything else. We are afraid that when they start naming targets they will name you. Our sources have already stated that I am to be assassinated."

"And what would killing you even do?" Sazh asked clearly upset with the knowledge and being kept out of the loop.

"...Director Esthiem is important both for his research and as a symbol." General Ajat spoke quietly. "If he dies... things will only get worse. He has and always will be a symbol of Academia."

"And if I go into hiding... What will you be doing?" Sazh asked bitterly.

"I will be researching. We've heard that they've found Etro's palace in the place where the ocean has iced over. There's a chance that they will find Lighting."

"And if things get worse?" Sazh looked back and forth between the three of them. Hope sighed softly.

"I can take care of myself Sazh... More so with this..." The silver haired man rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and revealed the augmented l'cie brand. "This is a left over paradox... My focus is to protect myself."

"Then..."

"I'll be fine Sazh... and... I'm sorry."


	15. Chapter 15

Hope tightened his boots up as his tablet beeped with new information. The scouting teams that had been sent to explore the effects of Chaos on Gran Pulse had been charged with sending daily updates to him as well as other members of the provisional government. He knew it wasn't enough though. The people were getting restless the longer that it looked like nothing could be done.

The largest of the end of the world cults had swallowed up the other ones. And now they were doing what they referred to as 'sorting' to figure out who was going to join the 'maker' and who was going to be left in this strange purgatory. Hope didn't believe in any of them. For nearly 200 years they had been doing insidious things. Killing innocent people and attempting to break the populous of their hopes, beliefs, to turn them into gloomy mindless followers. Stealing what little happiness could be found.

He exited his room out into the living room to see Noel sitting with his own tablet looking at the new medical reports on Mog and Serah. It was odd, Noel didn't really understand the technology, even though over 200 years had past now. But it was reassuring to him to get immediate updates he guessed. He settled a hand onto Noel's shoulder and the other looked up at him.

While people couldn't quite age. Certain things didn't change. Serah's death had been the final thing for Noel. The straw that broke the chocobo's back. He looked sadly at Hope most days. His affection was shallow as if his emotions were caught behind a thick curtain. But Hope endured it. All they had were each other.

And the burgeoning revolution brewing outside. Hope would be relocated in a few months. Back to Gran Pulse, away from people to continue his research and to only be contacted via encrypted sources. Noel was supposed to go with him. But the more he looked at his lover, partner? The more he knew that he'd be going alone. The pain that Noel felt was too deep. He had been fighting it, Hope knew more then anyone.

But it was an endless battle. Something that Hope couldn't help him with. What it would take to get Noel out the other side neither of them knew. And how could he? 200 and 30 years was far too long to deal with such pain. He walked over to the other and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"In your time... did the endless sea exist?" He asked quietly as Noel leaned back into him.

"No..." He paused thoughtfully. "If it did my grandmother didn't mention it... but so much of the water had evaporated by then..."

Hope nodded weakly and ran his fingers through Noel's hair, he never got tired of touching the other. Something he was surprised by considering that he pretty much abhorred touching or being touched by others. Noel turned slightly and pulled him down on the couch beside him. The silver haired man curled into his younger partner and closed his eyes.

"Do you ever get bored with me?" He asked softly and Noel shook his head strongly.

"Nope." Noel tilted his head up. "No matter what happens I'll always love you. Promise."

"Promise." Hope replied softly as he let his hand fall. "Even when you aren't here anymore." He whispered softly, feeling his heart hurt.

"I told you." Noel's lips were pulling down into a frown now. "It's just something I have to do. Once I'm done in the village I'll meet you there. I just want to see Etro's Shrine one last time."

Hope bit his lip, refraining from the arguments he wanted to make. He knew what Noel was doing regardless of what the other man was saying. Noel was drowning in grief and it was so strong that there was nothing that either man could do about it. If Noel went to Etro's Shrine there was a good chance that he would either wallow in his grief or be swallowed by chaos and Hope didn't want that. As he stared up at his partner, he knew he couldn't stop it either

"Just don't be too long all right." He whispered as he leaned further into him. "I don't think I sleep right without you anymore."

*************************

Hope sighed softly as he sat at the meeting place. He hadn't been feeling right for the past few days but he still left to go meet up with Noel. His nondescript clothes and hair dye made it easy for him to blend in more then usual with the slow moving clusters of people, both in groups and stragglers like himself. The outpost was mostly for those going back and forth between the settlements. Everyone by now had either forged a new life of been taken by chaos.

Even kids, still looking so young were hundreds of years old, doing adult things. Having forgotten what it was like to even be a child by now. Hope had heard rumor that Snow was in one of the larger settlements. Taken by chaos after he'd found out about what had happened to Serah. Hope didn't actually read the reports of what Snow was like now. Knowing that most of his friends had been driven mad with chaos wasn't something that he wanted to see the effects of.

As he sat there, it had only been two months without Noel. They were supposed to meet a month ago but the other didn't show up. Time was hard to grasp though in a timeless state. So Hope had fooled himself into think that maybe Noel had thought the time was now. As he waited, he watched the people. So strange from what he remembered. As the hour grew long he had to own up to the fact that Noel wasn't coming.

Although he knew this would happen it still hurt. He wondered bitterly if Noel had had any intentions of coming back to him. Or if he'd set it all up so this way so he'd feel better about leaving him behind. With more bitterness then sadness Hope pushed himself up from the bench he was waiting on getting ready to leave.

"Are you heading back out onto the trail?" One of the shop keepers asked as he passed by her. She looked too young to be running a shop, 12 maybe 13 but Hope knew better by now, especially the ageless, forlorn look in her eyes.

"Yes." He murmured quietly. "Any news from the cities?"

"Just to be careful... There's a new sort of creature out there. Calls himself the Shadow Hunter. He just ups and attacks people. No one knows why or where he'll strike next. Be careful."

Hope nodded, not that he was too worried about anyone coming after him with the paradox brand still on his wrist. No matter what, he had to protect himself.

When Hope made it back to his base of operations, a shadowy hovel in one of the emptier settlements, he noticed a message from what was left of Academy. Downloading the file it was about Noel and how he was MIA. How fitting, Hope thought bitterly. He turned the computer off.


End file.
